When there isn’t me, there’s no us.

Have you noticed?

When I don’t talk,
There’s silence between us.

When I don’t call,
There’s distance.

When I don’t text,
We run out of words.

Have you noticed?

When I don’t ask
There’s no openness.

When I don’t show affection
None of us cares.

When I don’t pray
There’s no amen.

Darling, have you noticed?
That I’m the one dating us.

They said distance makes the heart grow fonder, short answer; they lied. I know that now as I lay here with you on my mind, fiddling with memories of us but my image of you in my head is losing her smile, it takes mine in person with it too, my everyday coping with your absence leaves a grimace on my face, I feel the grim reaper coming for what we’ve got going on every day, and the feeling only grows stronger, courtesy; distance.

I may yell on this mandate I stand all I want, but while I feign laughter on the phone call this stance of mine is crippling all along, courtesy; distance.

You can fix broken bones you know, surgeries for body parts torn, but like there’s no such thing as medical grade surgery for a broken soul, hugs in the form of emojis can’t suffice for when you crave your lover to hold, on sunny afternoons I’m feeling cold, turn on the news I’m Iowkey wishing the headline would read that my lover is coming home.

I once had a boy, I still have him, Lord bless his living soul as he breathes still, for he once wrote: time, is a tragedy to a man alone, and I, well I, I’m utterly alone.

‘Hey’

‘Hi’

‘Booty call huh?’

She sighed and scoffed then continued;

‘That’s it right?’

I got defensive ‘what do you mean? I’m just checking up on you darling’,

‘oh wow I’m darling now – how sweet! calling to check up then check-in-side of me right? you know I’m quite used to the drill now.’

I let out a heavy sigh, said: ‘that hurts, to think that’s what you think of me on what I think of you, merely an object of pleasure at my beck and call?’

‘stop with the caw,’

‘oh girl! this is no coy, I’m insulted, see now we kinda arguing, this is why I don’t call, and you’d complain I’m being distant, I just wanted to know if you’re fine and have a nice talk.’

‘sorry’

‘silly, let’s start over again.’

‘Hey man what’s up!’

‘I’m good girl, how you doing?’

‘I’m laid bare in my backyard, with the daffodil garden for bed’

‘naked?’

she said ‘duh dummy! of-course yes, I just literally said BARE.’

‘care if I join in?’

she let out an ‘aha!’

followed it up with ‘I said it!’

‘stop playing with me babe, that ain’t fair’

‘You know what ain’t fair is you broke up with me but not my body’

‘I said what ain’t fair is you were toxic and I just couldn’t deal anymore’

‘oh so this ain’t toxic? you may say this is just sex but it’s an addiction and I’m yet to meet an addiction that ain’t toxic’

‘girl stop bugging!’

‘oh really?’

‘yes’

‘me bugging? says the one calling’

‘what’s your issue, why are you trying to make an issue off dust settling’

‘well, I wasn’t going to, but you’re always in denial, for example how this call started’

#silence…

‘Hey girl, I made chicken stew – want some?’

‘I’ll be over at yours in an hour – I don’t care much for the stew, but I’ll love me some nice backstrokes…’

‘sure girl, you’ll get some wings and some d too, cloud 9 is certain. I intend to fuck and make love to you six ways from Sunday.’

‘oh you naughty boy, it’s Friday evening, I guess I’ll have to stay the entire weekend then.’

#silence

We both let out an unplanned but synchronized short laugh, then she said;

‘Booty call huh?’

‘yeah yeah, you got me. Just get your ass down here already.’